I am scared of growing up. I don’t mean becoming a more mature individual; I mean the days that lie in the far future.
I keep thinking that though the future holds a lot of exciting surprises, and that it may (and it will, I am owning it) lead to me achieving my dreams, we’re bound to pay the price. We will lose things, people, even thoughts, ideas, or beliefs. What’s worse is that the ‘future’ is an uncanny thief — it takes away from you, without you realizing it. Maybe even take something you don’t remember having in the first place… and so you forget it entirely. It’s as if that thing never existed in your life. I find that tragic and extremely saddening, but it’s a fact of life.
Here I am, just watching the days pass me by, knowing it will take me somewhere amazing, little by little. I am enthusiastic and full of hope that I will achieve great things — be something great in the future. I’m not quite sure I’m ready to lose anything in the process though, but I have to learn to accept the fact that it’s inevitable in this life.
Does not mean I can’t dread the day the future decides to take something wonderful from me. Something I dearly cherish now.
I’m still scared. But maybe I’ll learn to deal with it. I hope so.
Note: It’s 4.56 am where I am now, and I haven’t slept a wink yet. Overthinking comes at these wee hours, especially when one lacks sleep. Maybe I should get to bed now. Hopefully tomorrow, when the sun is up, I’m no longer as scared as I am now.