An Open Letter to My Last Imaginary Boyfriend

E,

Our relationship was, without a doubt, a fairytale. It was one so perfect that everyone, especially me, thought too good to be true. Even before we crossed paths on that eventful Tuesday night, I am well aware of how amazing you are, and I have to admit that the mere sight of your face gets my heart beating fast in an instant. Imagine my skepticism that I’d ever get to meet you, see you face to face, and actually get the chance to know you. More than anything, I never expected us to get where we are now.

It was not hard to fall for you – your beauty, not only physically, is just too much for words. You’re gorgeous, kind, talented, and witty. What can I say, I like every bit of you. I even love the way you get mad during our little fights. I don’t remember being bored with you ever – I enjoy every moment so much I get the urge to pinch myself every time just to prove to myself that this is true. Partly because I’m too overwhelmed by your very presence. Before meeting you, I thought it’d be hard to even say a word to your face; I’d just be over distracted with your cute facial expressions, that twitching of your eyebrows, the way your lips curve, your perfect (I’m understating, I must say) smile – just everything. Who would’ve thought we’d ever fall in love? Sometimes life is just too unexpected, sometimes in a good way, and I’d be lying if I’d say that I’m not more than happy to know you. Much more to love you and be loved by you.

When I’m with you, everything is just so surreal, like I’m always in a dream. I love our every conversation, your late night calls, your long messages squeezed into one SMS, all your efforts, all our stolen times together no matter how fleeting. I love your silly little ways – especially that very personal FB account you made just so we could, in the ironically most discreet way, ‘broadcast’ our relationship though we both know that not a single soul would buy it – doesn’t matter. We complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You’re silly but so am I, and I love you all the more for it.

I knew this would end like any wonderful thing. It scared me more than anything, because I want this to last even though in the corner of my mind I know it couldn’t. The thought of not being able to hear your voice saying my name in the wee hours of the morning, that I won’t be able to hold your hand, see your frisky smile at me, just breaks my heart. I keep pushing the negative thoughts away from my head but it’s too overpowering.

I’m writing this right now because there’s nothing else I could do. No matter how much I want to talk to you again, I can’t anymore. It’s better off this way. I wish I could tell you just how much you mean to me, how much you matter to me, in my own voice, but I can’t. When you love, you can never be selfish. You put the person you love above what you want, what you need, above anything else. And if you really love that person, you have to learn to let him go.

This love is like a fairytale – then again, fairytales don’t happen in real life. It was too perfect and we both know it was fated to end. But I assure you this, every single second with you is real – one of my happiest, and no matter how much I’m hurting right now I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d still be wishing on stars every night that our paths would cross again, under a different circumstance more in favor of us. I just love you so damn much I have no choice but to let you go.

D

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