Thinking about all the things I could never do in this lifetime. There’s too much I want that I’ll never get to experience. My life is a boring disaster; I feel like some background character in a movie, one without lines and never interacts with the protagonist.
I used to think I’ve forgotten how to daydream. It’s rare that I let my mind wander to circumstances with an almost nil chance of happening. I’ve been let down so many times by wanting things that just cannot be — I’ve learned how unsafe it is go there. Then it struck me that it’s almost all I ever do subconsciously; I still thrive in this bubble where I’m a damsel in distress waiting for my knight in shining armor, where I’m fragile yet perfect, where everything’s the way I’ve always pictured them to be, where love is the only thing that matters.
It pains me, thinking about all the things I’ll never get to do, with all these chains, inhibitions, insecurities holding me down.
Maybe one day I’ll fly away to a place where I won’t fade.